... Three Doors Down.

So the Geico caveman commercial that just started playing (spring 09) has a soundtrack from Three Doors Down. The song is, "Let me be myself". Have you seen it? They are having fun at the bowling alley, high fiving and other normal caveman stuff. Well, at the beginning, the credits for Three Doors Down song shows up in titles. The first time I saw the commercial, I didn't notice this. I laughed at the commercial then, simply because I thought the song had been written just for the commercial. It fit so well ; corny, repetitive, bland.

"According to the company, 3 Doors Down approached Geico about featuring the Cavemen in the video. The band felt like the song was relevant to the Caveman's story. " (adweek.com)

You mean, you realized your song was perfect for a comedic marketing campaign designed to encourage drivers to buy insurance based solely on obscurity? If that's what "relevant" means, then you're right. The song was funny until I realized it wasn't written to be so.

"The video, which will debut in the coming weeks, is about being pressured to be someone you're not, followed by the moment when you break free." (adweek.com)

Deep Three Doors Down, no really I get it. It's like, a song about life kinda, right? And we can't learn to be ourselves until we buy your CD because, who will give us the answers? Thank God for these tv spots though, where we get a glimpse into your genius. I hate you.

http://www.adweek.com/aw/content_display/news/agency/e3i4e9a6c684b313de00f0d5ac700f07204

...this.

I just returned from my single excursion outside the house for the day. You see I'm lazy and... well that's pretty much it. Anywho, I went to CVS to pick up some photos that were being developed. I get the CD, that way it's like having a digital camera. Well, the manager is at the register, so he helps me retrieve my photos. I thank him, then leave to check them over in my car. (They were all fine, I'll have them posted by tonight on myspace and facebook if you wanna see some of my birthday at Disney. )

After I start my car, I decided to go back in to grab some early Easter candy. As I reenter I grab the candy I saw earlier (snicker's eggs, mmm) and head to the register. My attention is redirected toward the sun glass display, so I decide to check them out first. I recently lost my aviators so I need a new pair. They didn't have any I like. I'm only mentioning this part of my story to explain how I got to this point.

As I turn, a lady with a shopping cart is in front of me. Not like crazy lady who brings in a wal-mart shopping cart to a hallmark store, but just using the small ones they have for customers at wal-mart. So she's emptying her 3 bags of candy, prescription bag that she's apparently paid for already, and a couple hygiene products. The manager is still behind the register at this point, already going at it with his scanner. She stops him.

"Wait, how much is that?"

From working 6 years in retail, this phrase is in my top 5 worst things to hear out of a customer's mouth. Few exceptions, as in there being no price tag at all where I would have had to actually search for it in our system, and others being simply confusing sales (possibly). However, again from working 6 years retail, I knew this lady was not justified by any of the exceptions. She just wanted a discount. She tried and tried to jump straight into an argument with the manager, most likely hoping he would sense anger and cower in fear behind his price override button. The manager did his job to the T or tee or tea? Never fully understood that expression nor do I care. The CVS location on Conroy RD in case any CVS higher ups are surfing random blogs. The manager tried to explain to the lady that he simply scanned the items and the system knows the price for the items. She argued. He told her that he could void the transaction and re-scan the items along with her for her to see.

Translation: "I know you don't trust me or just want me to discount this, but hopefully when your dumb ass watches me scan them, you'll shut the hell up!" (translation not endorsed/approved by CVS or any of their affiliates.)

The manager then informed the 3 of us now waiting to check out to head toward the pharmacy and check out because he is going to have to help her check the items. Again, doing his job by the book. I decided to wait though, for I had nothing else to attend to for the day. I watched as the manager continued to take each item and make trips to the aisles, checking prices manually, proving to the lady he and the system were both right and she was wrong. Eventually, the lady began to turn and make looks of disgust and mock toward the manager as he made his trips to the aisle. When she looked at me and said, "the manager," in a mocking attitude, I finally lost my composure.

"Oh my God lady, are you kidding? You are the one that is ridiculous."

I could leave now. I set back the candied eggs and left the store. I recount my tale not for you to hate this woman. I am in no way surprised that customers like her still exist in our everyday walks of life. You are right to hate her however, for she falls right in line with other customers I have mentioned on this site before. My argument for this post goes against the corporation though. It goes against that manager I spoke so highly of earlier.

I in no way impart an ounce of blame upon the manager. He did his job because he had to. But what if he didn't? What if our economy returned to its original capitalist state? Maybe this is a vast stretch comparing customer service guidelines to the structure of our nation's economic system, but follow me here. What if the customer was "not" always right?

"The customer is always right." The slogan that sparked a whole new generation of beggars, whiners, spoiled brats, and disrespectful human beings. How many times do parents/teachers tell their kids something just to receive a "well then that means I can do this..." response? (using a lot of rhetorical questions in this post; press 1 for yes and 2 for no if you must answer) Our infantile behavior and mentality never leaves us as we grow old. We simply learn more through our experiences why we should hold back those feelings in certain situations. Or at least some percentage of us do. The other percentage sues McDonald's for being burnt by coffee, or sue malls for slipping on escalators, or sue people for having been locked up upon breaking and entering their house, and then having to live for a week on simply dog food. Poor guy.

If we return to a sense of competitive marketing, specific branding, and an overall capitalist movement in the workforce, our businesses might thrive again and encourage spending. However, our companies are limited in the way they approach new strategies due to customer service. Companies need to stop caring about the customers extending beyond the borders of reasonable requests/complaints. Yes, you need to care for your customer base because you can't make money without them. But you can make money without the "Jon's Breathing Air Stealer's". Tell that customer that wants a discount for buying large quantities,

"I'm sorry sir/ma'am, that's ridiculous."

Or when they want a service performed at your hospitality/service industry/etc. business say,

"I'm sorry, but we treat all of our customers the same, so your request doesn't seem fair to our other guests or my employees who aren't trained/equipped for completing said task."

My point simply is, refuse to change your way of business for individual customers. If you treat your customers fairly, with respect, and with enthusiasm toward spending and simply being a guest in your house, they will love your store and continue to shop. Ignore the small percentage of guests who step outside that sphere of satisfaction you have created for them because they want more. If you want to go above and beyond for your customers, by all means more power to you. You are truly a fan of the capitalist mentality by creating a brand and more an experience to be served by you. Just don't give in to the others because you fear a bad review, or negative gust experience, or a letter to your company, etc. If it's about money, you should already know it's not that big of an issue. There are enough customers on the other side of the fence who love your product, theme park, restaurant, bar, strip club, pharmacy, high school, car wash, bookstore, house cleaning service, cable company, wireless service, art store, pharmaceutical distribution agency, bubble gum, tacos, etc.

Specific Example:
If you own a bed and breakfast, you have a schedule for your guests. A guest in your house comes to you and asks to have dinner at 6:30. You inform them you serve dinner at 7:00, since it's been pre-determined before all the guests arrive/enter into your house. The guest argues and complains, threatening he/she paid money to enter your house so he/she deserves what he/she wants.
They don't. They deserve only what you have already promised them. The fact they paid money shouldn't change anything, unless it changes every other guest's rights in your house. It's your HOUSE. They are GUESTS in your HOUSE. Cater to those customers who are already happy, and make them ecstatic to be in your house. Don't worry about the others, they can leave and never come back. Doesn't hurt you and is not bad ethics.

Listen to me carefully here because this is the sum of my argument. If you have done everything right according to the ethics and regulations of your business, then you are done with your job.

Do not go outside of your company policy to make one guest happy. They aren't happy, they never were nor will they be. Most of those people, like the lady at the beginning of this story are mostly dead inside. Either they never truly made a friend growing up, or they need drugs. Whatever the case, they just want to win a battle with you. Don't lose that battle. Actually, don't even start that battle. You're the umpire, arguing with you is pointless. There is no instant replay to go back on your call. You're right.

I propose a new slogan:

"The customer is always welcome to enjoy our company experience, provided they understand we are always right."

...this song...

Do yo chain hang low,
Do it wobble to da flo,
Do it shine in da light,
Iz it platinum, iz it gold?
Could you throw it ova ya shoulda,
If you hot it make you cold,
Do ya chain hang low?

Iz that yo chain?
Bout 24 inches
Iz how low I let it hang,
Hop out the ride and let the diamonds
Smoke off the range,
Just bought a chain,
You can tell a big kid
Do his thang,
You kno the name

Yea yea yea yeeeaah..
I'm hot kid
Chain so low,
You would think diamonds never stop it,
And it's funny cuz you could never stop it,
A bunch of rocks on my hand,
And I ain't even on the block yet,
Chrome white gold sorta
Golden like my Tims,
And my chain hang 24 inches like the rims,
Diamonds all blown up,
Sorta like a pimp,
So when the light hit the ice,
It start glissin off the tims (Off the tims)

My chain hang,
All it do iz blang blang,
Half blue, half red,
Like my diamonds gang bang
And I don't even thank
That we even on the same page
Charms so heavy
They couldn't lift it
Till the crane came



(Chain) Yea yea yea yeeeeaa
I'm so icy (Do yo chain?)
Charms so heavy
That my neck don't like me (Do yo chain?)
And no no no itz not a game (Do yo chain?)
The size ?? (Do, do, do, do, do, do yo chain?)
(It's nothin!) Diamonds iz nothing to me (Do yo chain?)
Especially when I'm dressin up,
Itz justa button to me (Bling!) (Could you throw it ova ya shoulda?)
And not to mention my teeth
Cuz dey color coordinate,
Complimenting the teeth (All rite)
So check out my swag,
Diamondz red white and blue,
Like the american flag, (The boy so colorful!) (Do yo chain?)
And see I got that nice green,
My money I spend on jewels,
I call it my ice cream, (Chain, Chain, Chain)
My music give you a black eye,
Cuz of the beating,
They think I am a mutant,
They way a boy is beasting, (Chain, Chain, Chain)
??
You would call it cheating,
The boys always around,
Like it's a meeting

Iz that yo chain? (Do yo chain?)
Bout 24 inches
Iz how low I let it hang, (Do yo chain?)
Hop out the ride and let the diamonds
Smoke off the range, (Do yo chain?)
Just bought a chain,
You can tell a big kid
Do his thang, (Do yo chain?)
You kno the name
(Do, do, do, do, do, do yo chain?)


I couldn't make that up. Not even SNL could write a better skit, but this is an actual song that someone thought was cool when writing it. Seriously! What really upsets me is that they're making money off of this song and people probably love them for it. Flock to the store to buy their album. Man I should've gone to college to be a rap artist.

...our present mentality.

So in Benton, TN, a bear attacked a family, killing a young girl. Now there is a hunt for this bear in order to kill it.

First let me say, I'm sorry for a little girl dieing. I'm not saying she is worthless or that it's not sad she is dead.

So let me get this straight.. A bear does something it always does. Kill for protection or territory control, and then we get upset because we (obviously) are not strong enough to survive a bear attack, so we must now hunt this bear down and kill it? So in other words, if we're upset because of an unfortunate event, we make up for it by killing. Don't give me arguments with humans for death penalty because I'm not sure where I stand on that issue right now.

Anyways, what really pisses me off, is the ranger/searcher was talking to the reporter and stated they will search the bear (if caught) for parasites in the brain which would "explain his aggressiveness" toward the victims. OK, so when a bear doesn't have parasites in the brain, it's a nice animal that comes up and snuggles with humans. Like a Yogi Bear feeling, he/she will crawl up to our picnic site, steal our basket and run away laughing as we scream "Yogiiiiii!" Then the bear will turn around, and share the basket with us over a nice bottle of Chianti and we enjoy stories comparing humans and animals.

But if that same bear gets a parasite in the brain, then it's going to get upset that a human is in its territory and do something crazy; it's going to guard its property. I mean, we humans don't do that. Well, we carry guns in our house in case a criminal comes in, and then we shoot him and claim we were allowed because he/she was on our property. But that's not the same thing. Come on, these are animals; they should be put down whenever we want to make a family happy. Then these same people are going to argue ten years from now that conservative republicans aren't protecting the environment, and are directly to blame for the bears going extinct. The ranger actually said they don't know how to really tell if they catch the right bear, but they've marked several "problem bears" so they will do tests on each one they catch to determine what "went wrong."

Here it is kids... Nothing "went wrong." Bears kill humans. You have to be careful where you're camping or picnicking. And if a bear does suddenly attack for some odd reason, well, it's a BEAR!! I'm sorry for the family's loss, but why do we always feel getting revenge will solve our sadness/anger in America? Lawsuits, murder, death penalty, etc. We just want, and want, and want.

Why is someone considered a college dropout when they leave school and don't make money, but when they leave school to play a sport they are considered a "professional athlete." I hate that. I think for one to be considered a "professional" they need to have a college diploma to qualify.


Why is it that a guy can "throw like a girl" but a girl doesn't "throw like a guy"? Why isn't it just that no matter what our gender, some can throw well and some can't?


Why do we tell someone to "Be a Man?" Does it mean that a "man" cannot cry? Or maybe, he's not allowed to not want to do something? Whatever it is, who was this mythical "man" that every man must live up to be? I want to "be a man" when someone says that and punch him in the face. Sorry that we all have different opinions and lifestyles.


These are a few of my favorite things -- to hate.

...socks.

First of all, I just wanted to point out how funny the concept of Red Lobster is. A few hours ago, my parents and I had dinner at this fine, luxurious mid-class restaurant. Don't read me wrong here, I love Red Lobster; I only want to point out something I found interesting. We go to this place that resembles an aquarium with fish tanks everywhere, lobster tanks, and various photos and paintings about marine life all over the walls. We go to this same place, to eat fish. It's as if we're supposed to say, "Wow, marine life is so beautiful isn't it Jim?" as we take another bite of our delicious salmon fillet. I'm not siding with environmentalist whackos on this at all; it just made me think about how twisted it kind of is. But hey, tonight was shrimp lover's Tuesday and I had me some good shrimp!

Now, we will progress onto my new found hatred in life. As I prepared for the second day of my new job today, I had just completed buttoning my shirt and had moved on to finding the appropriate socks for the day. I am sporting black pants for the evening so according to the fashion police I must wear black socks. So I find a pair and put them on my feet. Right before I put my shoes on however (black of course, in case the fashion police is monitoring my site) I realize the socks are actually blue and not black. This of course leads me to become angry, rip off the socks, and then rush out of my apartment to find a hobo to kill. Right as the hobo's life is about to leave him and he utters what I vaguely made out as, "Please sir, my grandchildren are watching" or something like that, it hits me; Why do I have blue socks? Why does anyone have blue socks? Now, I'm definitely a firm believer of "to each his/her own" especially when it comes to clothing, but we all have to admit that we usually match our socks most of the time. I.E.: Khaki pants, brown socks and Black pants, black socks. Even though there are some who wear blue pants and other variant colors, it's mostly black and khaki of some sort. Why aren't most socks only just black and brown? Why did someone invent plain dark blue socks that confuse me time and time again when I really only need black socks? I think someone did this on purpose in order to make us go through this paranoia of wondering whether or not the socks we're wearing are blue or black. I mean, it really doesn't matter that much to me, I would've worn the blue socks if I didn't have a clean pair of black, but there shouldn't be blue socks for me to wear. So with this realization, I am making a plea to all who read this.

Good people of boredom and apathy:

Don't give into the insanity sock producers are creating for the world to endure. Throw out your blue socks! Let's rid this world of the vermin that is dark blue foot covers that we may protect our true citizens of foot-wear world, that being black and brown socks. I have spoken.

Your humble and superior King,
Mr. Awesome

...mornings.

As I sit here in the UCF library at 8:23 a.m. having just finished my first class for the day, I realize more than ever that if you want school to suck any more than it already does, just try starting at 7:30 a.m.

Morning is the worst time of day. Our bodies just don't want to get up, so we have to force them to do so. In my opinion, we should do our bodies a favor and let them sleep since that's what they want. Why doesn't the work day start at around 10 or 11 instead of 8 or 9? I mean seriously, the answer to that would be, "Oh but Jon, then the day is wasted." Bull Honkey, if you feel the need to get up at 6 or 7 am still, then guess what? You've got 3 hours to do whatever you want now. You can relax, read something, drink coffee if you like that disgusting substance, or whatever. So the day is not wasted, because everyone else who is still sleeping is doing what they want to do... sleep.

I mean really, most people go to work 9 to 5 and do absolutely nothing anyways. They walk in to their cubicle or office and do about 2-3 hours of truly productive work, the rest of the time includes lunch break, coffee break, bathroom break, talk break, and whatever other mundane things happen in the "work force". So starting later isn't going to ruin things. You're still going to have your news rooms that are working 24 hours almost, your online businesses always open, and so forth, but my argument is for the majority of our working class to not start until 10. When I become president around the year 2029, my first rule will be this, "The presidency is to become a Kingship and everyone will bow down to me." Then, my first decree as King of America will be, "We shant begineth work untileth it hast becometh 10 a.m." I think the peasants will enjoy this greatly and rejoice in the name of their King, King Jon.

They shall speak of their king with these words,

"He leadeth us into greater times for the greater good,
He gives us awesomeness and we humbly accept, due to our inferior status in comparison to his own awesomeness.
All hail the great and awesome King Jon. We shall praise him with coke and starburst for his lifetime, since he made it impossible for us to vote anyone else into office anymore.
Long Live the King!"

Good, good...